I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
