Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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