508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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