I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
