Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
