I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
