my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
