You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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