Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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