he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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