I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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