did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
