Your dad touched me again.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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