You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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