uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
