hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
