I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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