Me. At least after what I've been through.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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