I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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