He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
