we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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