Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
