She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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