Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
