Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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