All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize