For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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