I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
