420 ftw
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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