Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
