Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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