WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
