Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
People in love make me want to vomit
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
