and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
