just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
