she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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