I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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