I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
