Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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