i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
