How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
