You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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