Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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