got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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