Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
