is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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