onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
