she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
