This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
