so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
