We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize