i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
