We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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