When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
