it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
