There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
