So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
