I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
