Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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