My nipple is on Facebook.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
