dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
