i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
