How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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