People with herpes should wear stickers.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
