Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
