So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
