We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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